This Halloween I was gonna be the Joker… but all the cool kids are doing it this year, and it just wouldn’t be as fun. So here’s a nice ‘trick’ for those of you out there NOT being the Joker.

Of course, if you still want to be the Joker, and maybe not get into trouble with the cops, you could improve your costume by lying on a mattress full of sleeping pills and have a few good friends carry you door to door.

Have fun, kiddies.

Fuckin’ PETA is at it again!  This time they’re trying to raid my freezer and contaminate my ice cream.

Yeah, that’s right. PETA Officials are now urging Ben and Jerry’s to start using human breast milk in their ice cream, in order to lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms… and to benefit human health.

I guess human health does not include the human psyche …because MAN am I going to be glitched in the head (yes, even more so) after sinking my teeth into some cold, Tittie Ice Cream. I get enough Vietnam Vet flip-out attacks from thinking back to the fact that I used to drink the contents of my own mother’s breasts, let alone having to wrap my mind around the idea of drinking thousands of unnamed women’s jug juice.

“The fact that human adults consume huge quantities of dairy products made from milk that was meant for a baby cow just doesn’t make sense,” says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. “Everyone knows that ‘the breast is best,’ so Ben & Jerry’s could do consumers and cows a big favor by making the switch to breast milk.”

Christ.

As if finding out that I was drinking from cow tits wasn’t horrifying enough. I’ve at least had years to come to grips with that. It sort of helps that a cows utters aren’t exactly an object of sexual desire to me, so I don’t care if food squirts out of there. Now… human breasts? They’re all about the sex, man. Let’s just separate our meal time from our fuck time, okay PETA?

Now, PETA, if that’s what you wanna do, then by all means, DO IT. Open up your own happy Nazi ice cream stand with a line of pregnant women just hooked up to pumps and ice cream mixers.

Just leave my Ben and Jerry’s alone. I’ll stick to what I know and like, and deal with the nasty hormones and diseases brought on by my terrible, sinful diet later. I’m sure the baby cows won’t mind all that much. Hell, even they would like ice cream if they weren’t so damned stupid.

But, hey, I’ll calm down now. Ben and Jerry’s is way smarter than a bunch of terrorists and their cow pets:

“We applaud PETA’s novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother’s milk is best used for her child,” said a spokesperson for Ben and Jerry’s.

And I applaud PETA’s apparent obsession with boobs.

Yup, Mr. Carlin passed on just yesterday. What a comic genius he was. It’s odd, he’s just one of those guys you never expect to be gone for some reason. Freakin’ legend, y’know?

He sure did shake the world up a bit, and had such a powerful insight into life. Comic Blasphemy owes a lot to the man (aka RUFUS!!!) I’d say “see ya on the other side”, but I, like him, don’t believe in such things… at least I got to see him perform last year.

Anywho, I’m sure the guy wouldn’t want us all gettin’ sappy over him so lets end this with a laugh: